


Faithless Love

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26698936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Erin finds herself with a choice to make when she wakes up in the hospital after John Curtis tries to kill her.
Relationships: Alex Blake/Erin Strauss, David Rossi/Erin Strauss
Kudos: 6





	Faithless Love

"Just give me a reason, Erin!"

She didn't know why Alex's last words to her had come to the forefront of her mind as she sat on a bench in the middle of New York City, knowing that she was about to die, alone and forgotten, but they rang out in her mind over and over as tears coursed down her cheeks. "Oh, Erin, did you really think that your team would figure things out and save you? After everything you did to them over the years? I'm surprised that Dave even agreed to be in a relationship with you, seeing as how vehement you were against his extracurricular activities in the past. Did you enjoy letting him screw you? Did you get off on the power imbalance that you created? I mean, that is what got you off back when we were all working the Amerithrax case. I could see what was happening between you and Alex…"

"Don't say her name!" she managed to hiss out, finding the energy used for those words almost more than she could bear. "What we shared was special."

"So special that you betrayed her at a moment's notice in order to save your own skin, taking me down with her? And did your husbands know that you were sleeping together?"

Erin began to struggle for breath as her tears choked her throat, shaking her head and feeling like she was going to be ill from doing so. Not that that mattered much. She knew what was in store for her if she didn't get to hospital in the next fifteen minutes. In a way, she welcomed death, as maybe then Alex could finally be at peace, away from everything Erin had done to her over the years. Faintly, she began to hear sirens, but since it was the City, that meant nothing. Still, she hoped that maybe, just maybe, one of the people who had looked at her like she was crazy had called the police or an ambulance. It would be nice to die somewhere warm.

"Step away from her, John."

The last voice she had expected to hear sounded from somewhere behind her, but Erin couldn't find the strength to turn and look at Alex, her eyes heavily closing as she fought to focus on the exchange that the two were having. Erin knew that her body was shutting down when she couldn't keep track of what was being said, and it was only faintly that she heard a gunshot ring out before someone was sitting down next to her, pulling her close to a warm, soft, chest as a quiet, familiar, voice entreated her to hang on, that everything would be fine, that they had reached her in time. Erin went to respond when the world went black and she knew no more.

"…back. She's not awake yet, the doctor thought it could be any time now, since the machine cleaning her blood has finally done its job."

"It took me a while to give my statement to the police and then Hotch wanted to talk to me before I came here. The others have headed back to the hotel, but I needed to be by her side. Dave, I…"

"I know, Alex. I saw it on your face when we arrived at the scene and you were watching the paramedics load her into the ambulance."

Erin listened to Alex laugh mirthlessly before a familiar hand picked up her left hand and held it loosely. "It seems like faithless love is the only thing that I'm good for. Because I love James, so much. But all this anger I've been holding onto for all these years has been covering up the truth that I couldn't tell myself."

"That you love her more than you love James."

Erin desperately wanted to hear Alex's reply to that statement, but her body betrayed her by falling into a coughing fit as she drew in a too dry breath. "Erin!" Dave said as she opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling. "You're awake."

"Yes," she coughed out, her voice sounding weird to her ears. "John?"

"He's dead, Alex shot him when he came at her last night." She watched his eyes dart over towards the woman, and Erin tightened her hold on Alex's hand, not wanting her to find a reason to escape before she had talked to them both. "How long were you awake?"

"Long enough." Her eyes filled with tears as she began to register how much pain she was in, and she closed her eyelids once more, allowing the tears to slip down her cheeks as she struggled to center herself, to remove herself from the pain.

"Are you all right?" Alex's voice was full of concern, something that she couldn't bear, and she shook her head a little, groaning when even that small movement hurt. "Has she had any painkillers?"

"The doctor gave her as much as they could, since they were uncertain of how any painkillers would interact with the MDMA cocktail that Curtis forced her to ingest, along with the alcohol he poured down her throat. The entire damn mini bar was emptied, Alex."

"I know, Hotch told me." Alex squeezed her hand a few times before letting go of Erin's hand to reach up and stroke her hair. "We're not going to leave your side, Erin. It will be Dave and me until you're released. I don't care what the Director might say, I'm not going to leave you again."

Those sweet words caused her to cry all the harder, and Erin turned towards Alex as she curled up into a fetal position. "Thank you," she managed to breathe out before feeling the bed dip down on her other side as David made himself comfortable, curving his body to fit hers as he settled an arm around her waist. The move was not possessive, and she sighed a little as she forced her eyes open once more so that she could focus on Alex's face as her partner very quickly fell asleep. It was as if he had just been waiting for her to wake up before he could allow himself to rest, and she didn't begrudge him that, since she knew that she would do the same if their positions were reversed. And this would allow her to be able to speak to Alex in peace for a little while before one of them fell asleep again. "Am I, am I forgiven?"

Alex's head dipped a little as she firmed up her grip on her hand. "I know that you told us that you had heard enough of our conversation, but did that include…"

"Your declaration of love? Yes. What would you have said to David if I hadn't given myself away?"

There was a hesitant pause before Alex looked away from her face to stare at their entwined hands. "I would have told him that I love you too much to make you choose between him and me. That you are happy with him, happier than I've seen you in years."

"Years?" she couldn't help but interrupt, and Alex nodded as she swung her eyes back up to Erin's. "Lex?"

"I kept track of you and your career. I had to know if you were as miserable as I was, even though I was putting on a good front with everyone. It helped that James was away so often with work, that his job took him to new countries before he could come home for a week or two. I knew that doing that would just add to my pain, since you were now so unobtainable to me. But still, I kept watch. It was easier to hold onto the flaming brand of anger as the years went by, since my heart grew calloused to the sensation of it. And then you wrote, asking to make amends and the Director asked if I wanted my position at the BAU back, and then everything came down to this one moment."

She nodded before finagling her free hand so that she could cover David's hand with it, needing to be in contact with him just then. "I thought I was going to die, Lex. I knew that I deserved to die, for what I did to you and John. It was almost peaceful there, right before I passed out, and I was glad that yours would have been the last voice I heard, even if I couldn't understand what you were saying." Erin took a deep breath. "And I love David, as much as you love James, but I still love you, too. I think that he knows there's this divide in my heart, since it's only gotten bigger since you returned to the team. And I don't know where we'll go from here. I don't want to give him up, since he's been so good at keeping me sane and sober. At least, up until now. Sixteen months of progress is gone, just like that."

"You were forced to drink, Erin. I don't think anyone would say that you are no longer sober as a result of what John did to you." Her brows knitted together in frustration, surprised that Alex didn't understand. "Don't look at me like that, Erin. You think I'm not listening to you, but I am. You seriously feel that your addiction was set back all those months by something you were forced to do, and you see it as a penance for how you treated me and John at the end of the Amerithrax case. I never took you as one to be a martyr, but that might be because you felt such guilt. Am I anywhere close to right?"

"Of course you are. You always knew how to read me so well. I forgot how much that annoyed me until tonight." She tempered her words with a soft smile, watching Alex smile back at her. "May I ask something forward?"

"Yes."

"Kiss me before I fall asleep once more? David fell asleep before I could ask him, and I feel the desire to feel love before I do so." Alex dipped her chin a little as she licked her lips, closing the distance between them before caressing her lips in a tender touch. "I wish that there was room in this bed for you, too. I'd love to be surrounded by love tonight."

"I wish that there was room for me, too. Maybe when you get released, we can make that wish come true." Alex stroked her hair lightly with her hand. "Go to sleep now, I'll keep watch over the both of you, since I managed to catch a few hours rest while waiting to talk to the police and Hotch." Erin nodded as she allowed her eyes to close, somehow knowing that Alex would be true to her word, staying by her side until she woke up once more. A tender smile found its way to her lips when she felt Alex's lips press against her forehead before she fell sleep once more.

"Yes, she did wake up for about fifteen minutes earlier today, but then she said she wanted to sleep once more, and I thought it better she get rest than try to keep her up."

Erin rolled her eyes a little as she opened them, seeing that Alex was talking to a doctor. "And now I'm awake again, even though I can tell that David is still asleep, so it's not like I can go anywhere. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, she's cranky, that is definitely a good sign," Alex said with a small wink, and Erin had to fight to keep from rolling her eyes once more. "I think we're about to receive good news, Erin."

"Very good news. We've been monitoring your vitals ever since you came in, and as soon as your blood had gone through the machine, they started to improve. And your friend is right, the fact that you're cranky is a very good sign, since it shows that you're returning to normal. There are two things you're going to have to do before I feel comfortable discharging you."

"And that would be?" she asked, hoping that she didn't sound too eager.

"Eating and using the restroom. When the nurse comes in with your tray, if you can try to urinate, that would be the best thing."

Erin nodded as she suddenly became uncomfortably aware of her bladder and the need to go. "I don't think we have to wait that long," she commented as she slowly lifted David's arm and scooted her body out from next to his. Hesitantly, she got to her feet, weaving a little until Alex reached out and steadied her. "This is so embarrassing, Lex, but will you help me to the bathroom?"

The woman nodded, resting her arm around her waist as they traversed the short distance from her bed to the bathroom, and Erin leaned up to kiss her cheek before slipping behind the door and hobbling over to the toilet, taking a seat and quickly peeing, hating the fact that she knew everyone could hear what she was doing. It didn't take long for her to finish, and then she washed her hands thoroughly, wishing that there was a toothbrush and toothpaste available so that she could clean her teeth. Not seeing anything, she sighed and opened the door, grateful to find Alex still there. She extended her hand, and Erin clasped it firmly as she made her way back to the bed, finding her legs stronger this time.

"All right, so as soon as lunch arrives, and you've eaten at least half of it, I will sign off on your release." The doctor glanced at his watch, before giving her a small smile. "And that should be within the next hour. I'll see you shortly."

Erin nodded as she took a seat on the bed, pulling the thin sheet over her legs as she watched him leave. "That is great news, Erin!"

"I know, but I don't know if I want to head home so soon. I still feel so lost."

Alex nodded as she reached out and took hold of her hand, squeezing it tightly as David stirred next to her. He groaned a little as he sat up and stretched, looking around for her. She gave him a tender smile as she reached out her free hand and stroked his hair lightly. "What time is it?"

"Almost time for my lunch to be delivered. I don't know if they'll have anything for the two of you, so if you would like to go to the cafeteria and get something, I think I can be alone for a little while. Especially since I'll be able to leave here, once I eat something."

David gave her a small nod before kissing her cheek and slipping out of the bed. "That sounds like a good idea. We'll be back soon."

Erin waved as she let go of Alex's hand, watching the pair leave. As soon as they were gone, she pressed the button for the nurse, settling back against the headboard of the hospital bed as she waited for one to appear. "Did you need something, Erin?" a man around her age asked as he came into the room, and she nodded.

"I know that I'm going to be released shortly, as soon as I manage to eat something, but I would really like to brush my teeth now. Or at least swish with mouthwash. There wasn't any in the bathroom when I was there earlier."

He nodded. "I should be able to find something for you. Give me a few moments, all right?"

"Of course, thank you."

Once the nurse had left, Erin took a look around at her surroundings. She found her duffle bag next to David's chair, and she leaned down to pick it up, frowning a little at how light it was. Unzipping it, she found that there was only a change of clothes for her in there, remembering that she had unpacked the moment they had arrived at the hotel a few days ago. She never liked living out of luggage, no matter how short a visit it was, but that still didn't explain where the rest of her belongings were. To her delight, however, David had included her tablet and charger.

After plugging the device in, Erin began to read through her emails, seeing that her ex-husband had written. After reading his letter, she emailed him back, letting him know that she was awake and doing better, but she didn't know when she would be returning home, as she wanted to spend a day or two recovering in New York City, but didn't know if that was going to be possible. Then, she composed an email to Director Shepperd, letting him know that she was awake and recovering. With those two things out of the way, she called up Kindle and began to read her book, knowing that she would have time to read as she waited for her meal to arrive.

The nurse from earlier returned with a few minutes later with both a travel amenities kit and a tray of food. "I would eat and then take care of your needs. No need to brush your teeth twice in a short span of time."

"True. Thank you for this."

"You're welcome." The nurse smiled before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. The food on the tray was typical hospital fare, but she ate with a gusto that surprised her. Though she supposed that the fact she hadn't eaten anything in a good number of hours added to her appetite, and she wolfed the food down, clearing her plate in short order. Once that was done, she made her way into the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth before changing into the clothes that had also been in the bag, feeling a little more normal for the change.

"I'm back, Erin."

A soft smile spread across her face at the sound of Alex's voice, and she stepped out of the bathroom and met her eye. "Where's David?" she asked as she made her way over to the bed and took a seat, curling up against the headboard as she watched Alex sit on the end.

"He decided to make a few calls home, and sent me back up to you. Did you eat?"

"Yes, Alex, and brushed my teeth. It's amazing how the little things can make one feel so much more human. Did you enjoy your meal?"

Alex nodded as she reached out and rubbed her ankle softly. "It would have been better spent with you, but Dave's nice to talk with, as well. Do you want to go home?"

"That was the point of my eating and using the bathroom, to get out of here."

She shook her head, frowning a little. "No, do you want to go home to Quantico or spend a little time here?"

"Oh. I, I'm not ready to go back to Quantico, but I can't stay here. I don't know if I'll ever be able to return back to New York. I want to have my babies with me, on a long break. But I'll need to talk to the Director about that. And…"

"Yes?"

"I'd rather have you with me than David?"

Alex nodded a little as she reached out and squeezed her ankle. "I think that I would really like that, Erin. We do have a few things that we need to work out. And depending on the answers we find, I think I might have to have another talk, this time with James." A tremulous smile spread across Erin's face as she nodded. "I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels this shift in things."

"Almost dying will do that to a woman," she whispered, looking away from Alex as she drew in a deep breath. "I love David. I don't want it to be a faithless love. I love you. And I know that what we shared in the past was a faithless love, given what I did. But one way or another, I will reconcile these conflicting feelings in my heart and try not to hurt either of you. I promise. It might be the only promise that I'm able to keep these days."

"I know that you'll do your best, _bella_." She looked over at the door to see David standing there, a sad smile on his lips. "And the cabin is yours to use when you're released. A place to heal and find your footing once more. Alex, can I trust you to look after her?"

"Of course, on my life." He nodded as he came over to join them, taking a seat and picking up Erin's hand, squeezing it softly as they waited for the doctor to appear and release her into an uncertain future, one that she couldn't direct and one that had the possibility of bringing about her greatest happiness. All she knew is that in both David and Alex she had found a reason to live on, and she would do just that for them.


End file.
